yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
