hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize