This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
