I accidentally had phone sex last night
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
