margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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