i wish there were pregnant emoticons
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just sucked dick on a ferry
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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