i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
