Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
