Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
