I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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