I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
