being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
