my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
