I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
