I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
