how can u be prego again
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize