The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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