I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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