dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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