This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
