I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
