I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
