Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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