Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
