I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.