Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
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So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
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He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.