Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
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If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
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My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I love you. Go after that dick