i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
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I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
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If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe