Will you blow on my dice?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
