Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
