Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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