Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
