I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
