i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
