How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
