Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
What a dumb baby whore.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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