By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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