never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
