I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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