I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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