Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
