i may or may not be watching the land before time
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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