She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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