And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
