I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
