I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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