dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Houston, we have a blender
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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