If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
