What did we do last night that was yellow?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
