dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
