I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
