You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
