If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
