yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
