I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
