Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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