Please, let me fuck your mom
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
