So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
