I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So much Jack, so little girl.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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