quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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