I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
