new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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