hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
did i just pee glitter
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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