dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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