I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Randomize
